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I left Ylena in my room to rest from her own journies. I descended down into the Taproom. With a sigh, I settled myself into my usual chair by the fire. The warmth spreading through me, and I smiled softly. Krolaun came in soon after I arrived, and took a seat near me. We shared some elven wine in quietude, until he spoke."What's our next move?"
I looked at him, "We don't make one."
"What?!?" he said, rising.
I raised my gaze with him, "I can't. I can't fight her again."
Something flared in his eyes, "So that's it?! After all we've been through, you're just going to give up?!?"
He stepped away from me, muttering to himself. I stared at him, hurt. He had no idea what I had suffered. He knew nothing of the nightmares. I rose from my chair, looking into the flames in the hearth.
"You wouldn't understand. . ." I said softly.
He whirled on me, "What's there to understand?! Kat, as long as you let her get to you you'll never defeat her!!"
I flinched. It felt for all the world like he'd struck me a physical blow. My shattered soul shrank away, but my hurt gave the spark of life to my anger. I shoved myself away from the fireplace. I stared at him with cold green eyes, and brushed past him. I turned in the doorway and looked back at him.
The words came before I knew I had said them. Pain, rage, and frustration ate away at the core of my being. I was pained by his blatant voicing of my cowardice, and I wanted nothing more than to let him know how much I had hurt. So I lashed out, returning hurt for hurt, "Of course."
I spoke past the anguish, the tears, and the sorrow, "I would not expect an Outsider to understand."
Almost instantly, I regretted having said it, but it could not be changed. I fled, stumbling blindly off the porch as tears filled my vision. As my feet touched the earth, I could hear him behind me.
"How can you say that to me?!" he demanded, his voice filled with his pain. My words had been an arrow that had hit its mark all too well.
I trembled, hearing him. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to ward off the chill in my heart and the ice in my soul. But nothing could fill the aching void that filled the whole of my spirit.
"After everything--" he choked on his own hurt, "After all THIS!! How can you POSSIBLY say that?!"
By that point, I was too consumed by my own rage and sorrow to think of a coherent reply. He whistled sharply at my silence and a pegasus ran up to him. He mounted the steed, but did not look back. His voice was cold and distant, "You may not know where to go, or what to do; but I do. No matter what happens, I'll die loving you."
With that, the pegasus took flight,leaving me to stand there dumbfounded.
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© 1999 E. Angeli Mansfield