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We exited the palace onto the self-same garden we had departed earlier. Sweet birdsong filled the air, and it filled me with remorse. I crossed over to a small, marble table in the central garden, carefully penning a note.Krolaun seemed to sense my need for isolation, and dawdled about the garden as my flowing script ran across the pages. Dear Friends, it read, Tomorrow I go to fight Sharidia. Some of you know of my long-standing situation with her. Some of you do not. Needless to say, I would just like you all to know that you have all been the greatest friends to me, and i would not trade any of you for the world. I do not know what else to tell you, other than keep yourselves safe and happy. If we do not meet again, then our paths will cross, perhaps in a better place.
I signed my name with a reluctant flourish, and folded the note, carefully stowing it in a pouch to be delivered by a page later. My eyes drifted around the sunlit garden, and I sat there, merely contemplating my life. I don't know how long I sat there, but, before I knew it, the sun was setting and I could hear Krolaun's stomach complaining behind me. I half-smiled as I walked over, placing a hand on his shoulder, "If you're hungry, go in and eat."
He looked up at me, "You're not coming?"
I shook my head, "No, I'm not hungry."
He took my hand as he got to his feet, "Okay, look at it this way. There will be eating, drinking, and merriment. Do you really want me to get drunk in front of the Queen? Believe you me, after the past few days, I will get inebriated."
I smiled, "You wouldn't do that. Not in front of the Queen."
He sighed and looked at the ground, "I guess you're right, as always. That would be stupid of me."
Gently, I tousled his sandy hair, "Go eat something before your stomach gnaws you to death."
"No," he said stubbornly, "I would rather stay with you." He reached into a pouch and pulled out a bit of dried trail meat, "This will do."
I shook my head and smiled again, "Have it your way..."
I took my eyes from him, knowing that every moment I spent looking at him, would be one more moment of regret. He meant so much to me. I often found my resolve crumbling, and found how much I just wanted to walk away from it all. But, if I did that, this would never end. Sharidia would haunt me for the rest of my days, and my years of life would know no peace.
I knelt in a small square of grass, impaling the Dagger of Mystics into the earth, bowing my head in prayer to whatever spirits would listen. Krolaun, seeming to sense my need to be alone for the moment, departed. That feeling of being alone, of absolute solitude...I didn't like it. Lonliness had been too much a part of my life, and, with Krolaun gone, it came back tenfold.
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© 1999 E. Angeli Mansfield